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Mustache Rides and Supporting Local History at the Running Iron By Kate Serpa Photos by Phil Johnson We all are familiar with the proper conventions of the “porn star name game”, correct? It’s that one where you figure out your new sexy pseudonym by squishing together the name of your first pet and the name of the street you grew up on. Mine, since you asked, would be Kitty Blossom — which is probably the jackpot of all porn star names. Honesty though, the porn star name game is all well and fine, but a girl like me who does nothing remotely porn-y on the regular has no significant need of a skanky alter-ego. What a girl like me does need is a solid alibi; someone I can blame any of my intoxicated misgivings on. I, therefore, came up with a more practical name-game more suited towards my needs: the “alibi alias name” game — feel free to play along.
So what we do is take the first name of the person you hated the most in high school (Jennifer), and you slap that horrible person’s name in front of the name of your favorite hard alcohol (Beefeater) — et viola! A perfect and easy to remember alibi name. Test drive your new alias at parties, first dates, bars, and basically anywhere you have the foresight that damage control may be necessary.
Damage control is probably a must if you plan on going by the Running Iron on Monday night for a few Mustache Rides. And no; don’t be cheeky. Mind out of the gutter. Good guy Running Iron understands that Monday is the most suck-fest day of the week and has tried to make the world a better place by offering Monday Mustache Rides — a mixed whipped cream-topped Cold House mocha vodka shot that is so good it could get a school girl hammered (editor’s note: Modesto View does not condone getting school girls hammered. Seriously.).
But hey, let’s say Mustache Rides aren’t your speed; totally fine. You are in most excellent bartending hands with Aaron Johnston and David Eclevia. What sets the Running Iron apart in their opinion? “We’ve got more whiskey and beer than anything. We’re just a classic bar — no craft cocktails. Just basic drinks and fun,” states David. “We try to have everyone’s favorite here… plus we’re the number one bar on Yelp,” agreed Aaron. First of all, any bar that will confidently admit to being dive is golden in my book — although I do call b.s. on David’s comment that they don’t do craft cocktails. David himself served up the Mustache Ride shot and Aaron delivered a delectable concoction involving whiskey, fresh berries, and caramelized ginger. The Running Iron, though they may be hesitant to admit it, is pouring out some pretty fun stuff.
In case you are not convinced, I’ve compiled an additional list of pros and cons for you in regards to the Running Iron’s finer points. You’re welcome. Pros: three pool tables, a solid selection of whiskeys and craft beers (for you fancy-mustached types), shuffle board tables, NO karaoke ever, 21st Amendment on draft, air hockey, smoking patio, Mustache Rides. Cons: Girls missing the mark by actually growing actual mustaches. Plus, based on my knowledgeable authority as a Modesto bar columnist, I do believe the Running Iron to be the second oldest bar in Modesto (beaten only by Minnie’s). Therefore, drinking at the Running Iron means you’re supporting local history. It’s basically like visiting a museum, only it’s slightly better because there’s beer. Supporting local history and getting a few Mustache Rides — not a bad Monday night, Modesto. Who said learning can’t be fun?
And if you run into that tramp Jennifer Beefeater there, remind her that she owes me money. 516 McHenry Ave., Modesto, CA 209.579.920 www.facebook.com/mustachemonday209<http://www.facebook.com/mustachemonday209>
